Silver moons of sunlight stars
Golden leaves of raindrop tears
Melt away the sorrow feet, melt away the broken spoon
Rest assure and rise like sunlight upon each day
Morning light upon my pale
Eyes of smiles I stare in time
Hold my hand my angel
Tomorrow brings a gift as yesterday drifts the spoon
A river running long and smooth
A rose is tucked up in my hair
Away I travel, far and wide
To a wonderland of ever blooming dandelions
I talk a lot about soda don’t I? “Nope” well maybe I do, maybe I’ll search the word in my blogs and see if I do. I know I love it though, I like the Diet kind though, I’m not sure why, i’ve just always preferred it and the sugar one sometimes bothers me. Not sure why on that either. I love Diet Coke. Yep there you have it, my favourite soda.
What is your favourite soda, or do you have another drink that’s your favourite because you dislike soda?
Today I woke up and I was down from last night and then I started getting up and more up and more up until I was jolly without the big belly like santa clause. thank goodness for that. “Whew” I went out to find me a cheap computer desk and found me some awesome lamps for my living room instead. Then I came home and cleaned and rearranged things and got more happy and made a video with Niki and got more happy and happy just joined me and said. “YUS”
There were no beers needed for happy hour which was happy HOURS.
I don’t like beer, it’s gross. I’ll tell you a story.
When I was 14 and I was staying at my oldest sisters apartment she had some beer in her fridge and she said that I should try it and that it was better than soda. I couldn’t believe that because soda is awesome and one of my weakness drinks. I must have soda in my fridge or else I will die. Not really, but you know, I love having it there when I crave it. So I said to my sister, let’s call her BeJay, “I guess” and then I opened the beer and took a sip of it. I swear, I’d rather be drinking some mouth wash because that shit was nasty. She then told me I have to chug it down for it to taste better and so I tried that and it was even more nasty. Then she told me to try it with a straw and so I did and it was even more nasty than nasty. I swear none of the ways she wanted me to try it made it taste better. I then realized she just wanted me to drink enough to get a buzz or drunk or something and stopped drinking the nasty shit and put it down. I didn’t get a buzz from it just so you know. It wasn’t even strong, the only thing I like drinking that does give me a nice happy buzz is Smirnoff. Boy do I love me Smirnoff Ice.
Only if I have Sam with me though.
Years ago I had a look with short black hair and bangs with an egyptian kind of make up style and now this Jessie J awesome girl comes out and she’s stolen my groove from the past. Just goes to show, that even they start somewhere. “Why JESSIE WHY?” Ha! ”You can have that look, I like how I look now betta!”
It is kind of weird though how sometimes I’ll see something in a video that I’ve actually done in my videos years ago like Beyoncés new video and she’s wiggling her fingers like butterflies, I actually did that in a song I did called HeartBeat or something like that where I wiggled my fingers just like that. Or in Jessie J’s new video she’s wearing pj’s? I did that to. Come on now, don’t make me roll my eyes you big beautiful copy cat with a great voice. 
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I love people who take on what I do, it’s flattering. That other artists would make what I do likeable so haters stop hating on my ass. Perhaps that’s why they did it. Ha! looking out for their girl. “Did I mention I know them”
I KNOW THEM ALL! Muah hahahahahaha
Every night it’s the same. Alone undercover and when I look around the room is empty and no warmth against me. I miss having love, I miss the warmth. I used to know love but it came in glimpses then vanished on site like a dream in the night by morning. I long for what every girl does, “My true love” I found him and then his anger broke us a part and now I stand alone once again wanting the pain to stop hurting. I’ve never had a broken heart before, at least I don’t remember it. It’s awful and it comes over you in a wave.
Some days are harder than others. I miss him so much, but I’m also afraid of if I still had him because of how bad it was when things weren’t good. Why is love so complicated and why do we fall for someone who turns out to be not what we imagine or believe they’d be? Will I always be alone? Sometimes I fear that, that I will grow old alone and face one of my biggest fears of all. I want to be held and loved and respected. I want to look into the eyes of the man I love and feel safe for once in a mans arms and know that he sees me completely and would always be there for me no matter what and loves me exactly as I am just as I would him.
An equal love that is balanced and complete, one that lifts you beyond any doubts and fears you have, one that cradles you in all your love and fills you with light so bright you believe their your sunshine and your their stars. Together you burn brightly like a candle in the night flickering in a romantic beat of a song, dancing under the moon so big it covers you like a warm blanket of stars. I want to be cradled by love.
Tonight, I’m having a hard night and tears will damp my pillow as I fall asleep dreaming of such a love. “Where is mine?”
Turns out the schooling I was looking into is a dead-end and doesn’t lead to what I want, so I can’t go it that way and have to think of something else. I wish I could find my rising star and be where and what I want to, I always feel so limited. “Sigh”
Yes, I think. It’s odd when it occurs but today I was brain storming and thinking about things. Important things, well mostly my life. That’s important right? I was thinking about working and what I could do and then I was thinking about what I’d like to be able to do and I came up with the same answer I usually have lately, which is Massage Therapy. I’m very interested in it because I love the hands on and interaction with people and also I feel like I could do a lot of healing that way which I would love to do for others. I love-making people feel good so it fits me well to, and it’s such an intimate and caring you name it flower power career. So I contacted a school I know of and they want to meet me and discuss my options and the carreer I want to get into and if I can even get into it. I hope it works out, it’s scary to think of going back to school, but if it leads to an enjoyable career then so be it. It might be fun and let me meet some people who are like me, though that is hard to believe. Whose like me?
I think when God made me he was like, “Different” yep that’s perfect, “SEND”
I know we all like to say everyone’s different, but come on? you put me in a room full of strangers and they will all come out with a friend to talk to but me? Do I smell? “SNIFF SNIFF” “Hmm, maybe I’ll ask BoB.”
“Hey Bob… Do I smell?”
“Leaveeee me Aloonnnne Crazyyyy Girllll!”
I think he likes me.
So what do you think of my career idea?
Us Canadians are strange ones and we thought up this title for one very reason, “It is the day we put on our gloves and box.” No ring involved, just right there on the street surrounded by boxes. “I’m kidding.” Boxing day is called what it is because it’s the day everyone throws out all their boxes after Christmas. Doesn’t that make sense? Of course it doesn’t because your Americans. You’ve got strange ways of saying and doing many things, like Thanks Giving in November? I mean come on, right before Christmas and past fall and Halloween season where pumpkin pie makes more sense? What were you thinking? Oh you weren’t? well that’s alright, I don’t like to think sometimes either.
Yep, us Canadian’s make up words for everything, simply because we’re cool and we have creative minds and we have flower power hearts that sing, “Love you I do’s” I love Canada, I don’t know what my parents were thinking moving us to Nevada when I was younger, we just came back any ways.
SO there you have it, the answer to what is boxing day and why it’s called what it is.
It turns out I wont be able to move and have to make do and struggle where I’m at because the government only allows you to move twice and I already have. I’m not very happy about that because I know it’s going to be quite hard now to afford this place on such a low-budget. I’m not sure what I’m suppose to do now, but hopefully a miracle happens. As of right now I know I’m not going to be able to afford it. Sigh, all I wanted was to move into a more affordable place and bam. I can’t. Unless I pull a deposit and moving expenses out of my ass. Ka-ching. That’s what we all need, an ass the gives you money. Isn’t that right my friends? Wouldn’t you want an ass to give you money?
Might be disturbing looking to see ya shit change, but at least you’ve got some extra cash to get you by, right. Don’t smell it!
BoB seems quite happy with that idea, perhaps he would make a great 1st candidate for an ass-cash-giver.
“Hey BOB?”
“Don’t… STOP!”
“I wont Bob, I wont.”
It’s coming that time when I have to go to the Court house to get a divorce, but now I don’t have a way to get there and no one to help me. How wonderful, (sigh) I’m not sure how I’m going to get there especially when the google map/yahoomaps don’t show me directions anymore. I’m not sure why, but it always acts like it is clueless about what I used to type in and it would find. It’s really quite lame. I just know I’m going to get lost and not going to be able to get there or home. It’s quite scary, plus if I get there late then it will be for nothing and have to be rescheduled. I asked my ex to meet me somewhere and go with me there to just get it over with but he of course said no. Why would he say yes though?
Well, “Sigh” guess as always now, it’s up to me to figure it out, it’s just nice when I have some help, if even just a little. Not only do I have to go there alone and without a clue how to get there, I have to bring along my 9 month old baby because I have no baby sitter. Wont that be fun. Most likely my ex best friend whose with my ex is going to be there to snarl and maybe his parents who abused me to top it all off and make me extremely uncomfortable.
“Sigh” I hope all this ends soon. I just want to have the divorce and never have to deal with them again. Of course I have to deal with my ex because we have kids but I shouldn’t have to deal with his new girlfriend and his parents at all.
I wish I was dorthy right now with some red slippers. Those would be quite handy.
It’s so hard to find an apartment or basement suite to rent from because I have a cat or I’m not quiet like they ask because I have a child and the fact that I sing a lot. I don’t believe that’s quiet, Ha! I’m hoping to move soon but it’s not looking so good. I found a few I’m really interested in but their always followed by a, “NO” or even no response at all which is kind of harsh because they can at least say no. Or better yet say something more kind before they say no.
I hate moving, I used to love it when I was younger but back then I wasn’t the one searching and setting things up like trucks and what not so it’s understandable why I liked it. All I had to do was unpack my stuff when I got to it. Though I also helped load my boxes in and out of the truck, I liked doing that but back then my brother would take them from my hands and say their too heavy. I was the princess of the family. Ha! “Don’t dent a nail.” Well not quite that kind of princess, this isn’t legally blond. More like, “You might hurt yourself.” Then I’d sit by the truck and get passed bags to bring in, but only if they were pillows or blankets, Ha!
Little do they know I lifted a double bed box spring and mattress when I was 17 over my head and leaned it against my bedroom wall every day so I could create dance routines. Ha! Also when I was 23 I set up a huge glass table by myself and that glass was very heavy. I mean so heavy I needed help so I got my chair one and two to help me out. Isn’t that an image? they were good helpers besides the fact that they kept sliding from the weight of the glass when I tried lifting it onto the frame. That must have taken me a half our or so to get that glass up there, but I did it. With out a scratch on me, ha! I mean the table. 
So here I am to move again and into a smaller place which might be nice, maybe I’ll feel a bit safer in a smaller place, I used to like my last place cause it was small, though I hated the laundry and the no storage part because my living room was my storage room and that was bad. I hated that immensely because it made clutter and I am one of those people who hates me some clutter. Ha!
Hopefully soon I will find a really good place to live and I can get some new furniture I need for it, Sofa, Tv, Tv stand, new table and chair, a desk, two dressers and a freezer.
Oye and it wouldn’t be bad to have some night stands for my bedroom. I really need to invest in a bedroom set one of these days. I’ve never actually had a set before. The kind of sofa I want and have always wanted is a red leather one with a matching chair. Mmm I dream of that.
I went to the party and not everyone showed up that was supposed to so there was a lot of food left over. “More for me” I brought a santa ornament for my mom and Ed for their display which they seemed to like. I like it myself if I do say so myself and I do. The party started off with a cry of me explaining what happened last night which is always uncomfortable to cry in front of others even family, but I started to feel a tiny bit better as the day progressed, but not much. It’s hard to go through something and jump up to having a splendid ole time right after something like I’ve been through.
It’s been a hard couple of years I must say and even more hard years before that but these past two have been unbearably hard. I am glad I have my mom and Ed there for me, it makes me feel safe and loved. I need to stay away from things or people who cause me harm in any way or form. I have to stop pretending it’s going to get better.
The party was fun, we played a few games like secret Santa and Christmas tree making which was funny. We each got a piece of paper and stickers and had to rip the paper into a tree and decorate it with star stickers, however we had to do it all with our hands behind our back tearing the tree. Mine looked like a place off of a globe by the time I was finished with it. It was definitely nothing like a tree. The rest of the party was good but I kind of felt like I had nothing in common to talk about with anyone else so I sat their quiet the whole time. I hate that. I always feel that way at family get togethers. After everything died down I had to walk home, my mom and Ed offered for me to stay I just wanted to be at home in my bed though. It’s hard for me to sleep anywhere else and I didn’t get any sleep last night so I needed it tonight.
I got to bring home some spinage dip and bread with me so that was nice. I love spinage dip, it’s so delicious.
Here in Canada we call it boxing day, which is the day after Christmas when all the sales are and also a time to get rid of all the boxes that came with your gifts on Christmas day. I have much to bring out to the garbage and it’s going to take a few trips to do so being by myself with a baby and only a stroller to use to help out. That’s the one thing I hate after Christmas, is all the wrapping and boxes that you have to dispose of after words.
Sometimes the garbage is so full you have to wait till the following garbage day to bring out your trash, which is a pain in the ass especially if you want a clean and organized house. Am I right? of Course I am. I have one load of stuff to go down, but I’m waiting till later to bring it down because I have to go out and walk to my moms place. I’ll have to bring a load down come up and bring another load then come up and gather a diaper bag and the secret santa gift and then I can leave and walk for twenty-five minutes in the cold to their house. Doesn’t that sound fun? At least I’ll be styling in my new boots while i do so, but I’m sure I will be freezing my buns off by the time i get there and then I have to explain why so and so isn’t with me and then I will be uncomfortable and make something up.
I already feel like an idiot for trying over and over.
Sigh
Sorry my posts are so blue right now. I’ll try to post some jolly ones to even it out.
It started out wonderful. My children had an amazing happy Christmas full of smiles and laughter, they loved all their gifts and got really excited about Santa coming and eating their cookies they left out for them. Christmas can be a magical time for many. I had a great Christmas morning and afternoon filled with so much love and happiness. I even got to visit with my mom and Ed for a bit and then went back home and enjoy an evening and then it all crumbled as most joys do.
My Christmas ended on a sad note and left me broken and hurt and with the realizations I’ve always had but never seem to act on because that’s just me. I’m way too forgiving and think things aren’t so bad after a bit and then give it a try time and time again only to end up the same. The seaweed of pain wrapped itself around me and pulled and I fought against it but it won as always and now here I am alone on boxing day, feeling sad and like Christmas was ruined by the way it ended. I sometimes think, “maybe it’s all me?” But then I think, “I know with everything inside my heart that I tried my best and I’ve done nothing to receive what I have. On a happy note, I get to go to a Christmas party today and pretend as though nothing is wrong so I don’t spoil their fun with my blues. I am still waiting for my happily ever after. I guess I’m just a dreamer and fairy tales like living and growing old with your soul mate are only for fairy tales you read about in books.
I hope everyone had a bless Christmas.
Alright all you little ones out there, it’s time for bed. Santa‘s on his way to your house and if you’re not fast a sleep he will pass you by and you wont get any gifts on Christmas day. Bull! you’re going to get gifts no matter if your awake or asleep because santa can make presents appear under your tree with magic. So even if your wide awake, by the time morning comes you’ll wake up to presents under your tree. Santa is a jolly man. I should know, I’ve met him quite a few times. I’m going to get lots of fun gifts, because I have been a very good girl this year. At least for the most part I have. Ha!
What do I want for Christmas this year? Well I want to kiss santa clause. Relax… and get your own santa, he’s mine.
I love santa clause. Hell I love Christmas, it’s my favourite time of year. I bet you didn’t know that. I’m positive you did because I have a tendency to introduce myself with a biography so you don’t miss out on anything important. Sometimes I feel I have to because some people are too stuck up to even get to know me so I find myself telling them more about me without them asking. Well at least now I try to hold back and wait till they ask because I’m tired of seeming so up front when I’m really shy and easy-going.
Mmmm, Santa.
Are you excited?
What do I really want for Christmas? Well here’s my list,
A Blue Ray Player
A Printer
A Wii
Nice Clothes
Cute things
Sims Animal game (not the correct name of course)
Mp3 player
Stereo that plays cd’s
and that’s about all I can think of right now.
Those are the main things I asked santa for in a letter, lets see how close he gets. If he gets close, that means I’ve been a good girl, if I get all those things, I guess I’ve been a very good girl.
What do you want for Christmas? You must ask quickly because it’s getting late and you want the elves to hurry up and make it before Santa comes to your house, don’t you ?
I’ve bought some animal cookie’s for santa for my little ones to leave out for him because after a long trip around the world, santa get’s a little hungry. We’re going to leave him some cookies and a tall glass of milk to wash it down with. He’s going to be so happy!
I remember when I was little, Christmas was the best time of the year for my family. My mom made it so special for us, she would tell Santa to fill our stockings to the top and the gifts were like an avalanche extending far out from the tree. It was always such an exciting time to wake up and see that and one year I remember being so excited I ran down the hallway and did the splits for the very first time, after that I was able to do the spits when ever I wanted. I guess it was a good thing after all. It did hurt at the time though, but my excitement distracted me.
My Children are going to be so excited, I can’t wait to see their faces on Christmas morning.
Jingle bells and fire burning
A cosy home of family and friends
Gifts go around, from one to the next
A morning of laughter, a memory of bliss
Holiday greetings we sing Christmas Carols
Merry and bright, our faces are smiles
Merry Christmas to all and a Happy new year
A wonderful gift is having you here
We’ve all seen the Twilight films and I’m sure you’ve noticed something about Bella in them that I would like to address simply because I can’t take it any more. In every film so far Bella has the same expression for everything. There
was a bedroom scene in Breaking Dawn where she is in a hot little nighty and she’s trying to entice Edward with her body and she stares at him with the same expression she has for everything. It’s kind of like a, “Duh” expression of some sort. I’m not quite sure how to describe it. I would think if a girl wanted to entice her husband or guy she would be giving a more seductive look. Let me show you an example If I may.
“Mmm, Come here Edward”
Tell me, what do you think?
As you all know because I posted it, I rewrote the Canadian Anthem and then I wrote a certain Canadian official government site who responded back saying they will read my request over and I heard back again they are transferring my request to another department. At least they’re looking at it is all I can say. WOuldn’t that be wild if they actually are interested in using it. That would be super awesome. I really do like it and it does describe Canada well. The old anthem is good but it’s been around for so long it needed some sugar and spice to it for the new age and I think what I added gives it some. Just my opinion. “Of course I’m going to compliment my song though.” What did you think of it? and would you want to sing it in support of Canada?” HELLZ YES right?
I have searched far and wide to get my hands on some egg nog but I still haven’t been able to find any because the stores are sold out which is so lame. Christmas just isn’t the same without it. I really want some egg nog. I will attempt to get some today, but if I can’t I’m going to be sad about that. I was really looking forward to some on Christmas eve. I ran through each and every store screaming, “ME EGG NOG WANT” In fact I did it so much I ended up on the news. HOWever you wont recognize me because they back combed my hair and made my eyes appear larger and my fingernails an inch long. I think they were going for a wild look with a crazy look in my eyes.
It isn’t every day they have a strange woman on an egg nog hunt screaming through the stores. “BUT I WANTED MY EGG NOG!”
I need it, I love it, I have to have it and I will do what ever it takes to get me a glass of some, even if it requires breaking into your home and sitting down with you for a glass of some. “HEllo there stranger” Would be my greeting and then I would talk my way into having some. I’ll sit next to your fire and you and your family will be sitting on the sofa staring at me with the sound of your football game playing in the background. Yep it will be wonderful to drink my Egg Nog.
(Drinks from your carton”
“Mmmmm, now that’s good Egg Nog”
