I swear to gawd, every morning I get up, or it doesn’t even have to be morning. Okay well it’s usually morning when I notice it.
I looked at the clock and it’s like, lets say I see that it’s almost 9 am in the morning and I feel so well rested from a full nights sleep. I get up and get dressed, Niki and I do and we have breakfast and then I glance at the clock at it’s an hour earlier than what it said before so it’s almost 8am. This happens every morning like I’m moving in time. It is so weird, yet I love that shit, so I am really quite interested in what the hell is going on with that.
I mean I have always known i could alter time because I would be late for something and arrive early haha. How it happens I have no clue. Also I would have a shower and think I’ve been in there for so long because I make myself stay in there long because it feels so nice and then I get out and it’s been five minutes and this isn’t just when I’m alone. Oh know. The time shifts even around people and they don’t even notice it.
I’m just moving and their not, or something happens like that. So strange. Or I’m moving faster in a minute or hour than they are and then I catch up once my conscience is back to, hello. I’m still here on planet earth pretending to be human like you. haha
I am alien so this doesn’t at all surprise me plus it’s been going on for a long as time and I have had so many experiences through spirituality that it’s so easy to know for sure, and unless you know me really well like my family and close friends. You aint going to believe me when I said it.
hahaha I like that though.
Who else is alien?
Oh… and who else time shifts?
It cheered me up some since I am going through a tough time right now heart wise with a bad break up again, yea that will teach me for trusting a man who had hurt me plenty times in the past, this time he cheated on me and only confessed because he didn’t want to go out for ice cream with me as pathetic as that sounds.
I am so not ready to be with anyone now and I have to majorly heal from having my heart completely smashed. I was on the couch crying for days, it was awful. I have never felt such pain like that, then when he hurt me like that and acted as though it was no big deal and then turned it all around to be my fault that he did it. I am thinking about getting a ring for my finger just to keep men away haha. Funny huh, but I hear woman do that so men leave them alone. Not like men bother me much, but I do want to add some jewlery to my collection and be married to myself for awhile haha. Does that sound dumb? oh well, I think it’s fun.
By the way I am officially divorced now by law. WOOOOO! I’m a free woman. It feels really great.
I deserve far more and from now on its me first and I’m going to concentrate on my new business plan which is HotSpoX which I am very excited about. I am so pumped about this plan that my sleep time is filled with thoughts and ideas for what else I could do to make it better and spread the word. Right now it’s just a small website and a channel on YouTube, but I plan to do much more with it. I plan to sell t-shirts and products with the logo and work with other YouTube’s for my future posts and sell my own cd’s with original music. I plan to sell E-books and get professional modeling photo’s done of myself later, after I’m back in shape after the baby.
I plan on designing clothing again and selling them.
So much I plan to do.
You can help, by donating as well and by promoting my HotSpoX channel to friends and family and letting others know about it.
Heres my new channel “The Writer Came To Video” Here’s where you can find me now,
Last night I decided I would make a drawing to put on Niki’s wall because his bedroom walls are so bear and I wanted him to have something to look at when he woke up in the morning above his little bed. I showed it to him this morning and he was all smiles and tapping at it. I think he really likes it, I still need to hang it up but I have to wait till it’s a little later in case people are trying to sleep in next door. I don’t want to disturb anyone’s sleep.
Haha I love the puppy’s eyes, their coloured with the colours of the world.
Okay so here’s the deal. I am a writer and it’s hard for me to sit in front of a camera and be that in a vlog form because it’s just hard damn it. See what I mean, I can just shit out words here and i have no trouble at all. it just comes out of my fingertips and into this little box.
It’s hard for me for ‘the writer me” to meet the “vlog me” and tonight I decided I would challenge myself and I like a good challenge so I accepted and I think I managed to do a great job for my first try.
What do you think?
After trying it out I realized its rally funny stuff and I loved it and keep getting new ideas for more, but I wanted to share it with my followers here in word press land so you can all tell me what you think of it and if you enjoyed it and would like to see more. I wont be posting another one until they reach over 100 views so if you like it please go watch and direct your friends to it as well and I will get started on another one that will please your hungry appetite for more.
These are the closet to “Me” as it gets, haha. “Who knew right” you all thought I was just bubbly and giddy all the time and full of spunk huh? Nope I’ve been hiding this side in writing. You know because you read my blogs my little sweet pumpkin frogs you. “Muah.” I am loving the writer me coming to life, it feel so great. It’s still hard to get used to because I’m not used to saying what I would write in a blog and how I would say it, but I did it and I think I did a good job for the first two times.
Let me know what you think
We keep secrets? Oh gawd no. (nods head viguriously)<okay wrong spelling, I did that on purpose so you could fix it.
I am about to share something sacred about girls that I really shouldn’t because I have given an oath as a girl that I wouldn’t but I don’t believe in gender crap, the world should know the truth about us.
When we go shopping we look to buy panties and bras, the cute sexy ones that make us look and feel great and we’re not thinking, hey my man or this guy will love this. Oh no man. We are thinking, gawd I look good and feel good in this set. It’s not for men at all, we just let you believe it is and tell you it is so you don’t feel left out. The truth is we bought it to feel sexy underneath it all and dance around in our panties and bra at home alone to our favourite song in our favourite shoes while we drink margaritas and talk to our girlfriends on the telly.
It’s for us boys, sorry to knock that secret out of the candy box but you have to know.
When I wear a matching panty and bra set or matching panty and undershirt set which is more truthful since i hate bras with a passion of hate, I feel great and i know it’s going to be a great day.
Thats where it’s at boys.
So stop sitting around thinking we’re wearing this fancy ass shit for you, it’s for us and us ladys like to feel great and look great and if we do that’s all the box of peanuts we need in life.
I can get an orgasm just sitting in a great pair.
I know that sounds bad, but it was suppose to.
I haven’t been able to give up my pussy cat yet. I’ve had her for over 13 years so it makes it quite difficult even though she annoys me and makes me sneeze throughout the day and night which gets rough. I also had a dream last night where part of it I was cuddling with cuddles and then I couldn’t breathe from being so close to her to the point I had to go to the window and breathe in the fresh air to get air.
usually when I dream of stuff like that its a premonition of what will come eventually with this allergy. I love her, but I don’t want to have that problem or this problem all the time and what if this means that the baby is allergic to? Sometimes it’s a sign of that since I believe mothers exhibit behaviour and qualities of their baby to be while their pregnant. I know many don’t believe in this but I believe very strongly in it and have actually exhibited the behaviours then that my children do now. It’s kind of theory of mine, I’ve become Sheldon I guess haha. “Bazinga”
The thing that bothers me about giving cuddles away also is I want to make sure that she’ll be okay and loved and taken care of, she’s practically family. Also i feel like I’m breaking my word and promise I made to her when I almost gave her up when I was 19 because it was hard to find a place that allowed pets and it was frustrating to my now ex-husband so I was going to sacrifice the cat I had for years for him because I was dumb and just sacrificed everything with him. Pathetic. Note to woman and men out there, “IF you have to sacrifice everything that matters to you or just have to really sacrifice, that’s not a relationship.” People think and say it is but it isn’t and the relationship will eventually crumble because you cannot make solid grounds with cut up pieces of cardboard of okay I guess I’ll give this up to’s to be with you.”
No no no, relationships are and should be like this and this alone,
“If it falls together naturally and you work together to incorporate both needs of each other and who ever else is involved such as pets and children to make it work. I’m not talking sacrifice I’m talking accepting and making room and growing and expanding what you have so that you can be there for the other and what they want and need then waalaaa you have found it.”
Take it from me, sacrifice is a relationship killer.
When your with someone you shouldn’t have to or be asked to give up something you love and need.
back to cuddles…
It’s rally hard to let her go because I love her for one and for another will she be loved and happy and lastly I promised her I would never try to give her up again. I know it may sound dumb that I promised a cat something and I don’t want to break it and you think it’s just a cat and it’s no big deal. Where I come from though, you keep your word to the best of your ability and you care and treat everyone, even creatures as someone special and important.
When I say where i come from i mean another rhelm and planet, remember I’m an alien.
Still don’t believe me? its okay, I like it that way, you see the more i tell you the less you believe and be suspicious after all who would really admit it if they are right.
oops i gave it away. “hahahaha”
Your still clueless”
I’ve observed my youtube and i noticed I don’t get nearly the amount of views I used to when I was ranking them in right before I got pregnant. I am starting to think it’s because I’ve become boring and then I realized I kept having blasts from the past and have removed my videos over and over and people are probably tired of it. Pfft
Well if you would stop finding me PEOPLE I wouldn’t have to delete now would I?
You think people would understand, well no, I can’t expect viewers to because they just want something to watch and if I’m not reliable with video posting and them having a favorite video and it staying in their stash then why would they continue to watch me. Well because you have to like an addiction, you have to watch me. You must or you will die.
Yea, um no. The fact is I’m a way better writer than I am a vlogger and entertainer because my hearts more in writing and I am myself when I write. I’m most comfortable when no one sees me and I’m hidden behind these words here. I can’t fully express myself in voice or video because I concentrate too much on what people will think if I say this or that instead of just doing like I do when I write. It’s hard to explain.
I know exactly why my videos don’t get the hits they would if my blogs became vlogs, but they can’t, because I just cant change who I am. Well I can grow and become evolved but I can’t just say, hey today I’m going to be like this and do it. I’m not that great of an actress. come on. Okay maybe I am, but I don’t wanna play.
I am enjoying what I do and if no one wants to enjoy it with me, so be it, you pumpkin head popsicle rolls. you don’t have to, go watch someone more interesting that swears. I notice that. Lots of swearing going on in popular vlogs. I can’t imagine me swearing to get popular, okay I can because I have a vivid imagination but the image of it kind of frightens me because I don’t swear in my every day life, it’s just not who I am. When I do randomly swear on occasion people stare at me like they’ve seen a ghost. I guess it’s just that rare and unsettling coming out of my mouth. I’m too pure.. Holy water holy water
Okay so, I’m boring. I accept it. I’m a boring vlogger, video person right now and I have no energy to be upbeat because I’m pregnant and tired.
Give me a peanut.
By the way thats my new way of saying give me a break. it’s cooler, you should use it to. It will make me happy, but either way I’m happy with my just using it. its mine, its mine.
Okay its late and I’m still up and I’m typing, why does this always happen to me. I stay up doing something when i’m half asleep and want to sleep in my nice cosy bed but dread the having to get up and change, brush my teeth and go to bed. I’m so freakin lazy damn it.
Have a good night.
I have so many shirts, yet every shirt I put on ends up rising above my belly button because my belly sticks our farther now and my shirts have become too small to hold it in. It’s funny but also irritating when I have to go out and I most certainly don’t want my belly sticking out because people just think I’m fat and don’t think I’m pregnant. They see Niki and think I’m still carrying pregnancy weight. Crazy ass people, yah sure. I’ve got that much jelly floating in my front from Niki.
Give me a peanut.
Oh man, I really feel like ice cream and I don’t have any, isn’t that lame.
Today I took Niki swimming with me, we try to go every week as an activity to do together and it was so funny. He and I had lots of fun and I got to wear my new bathing suit which I love and Niki wore his swim suit that I was missing but found. I have a floaty that Niki sits in and then it goes around my waist to so I can float with him which is so cool and makes it so I can enjoy the water to.
So after a while of being in the floaty I always take Niki out and hold him and let him kick his legs and do back floats and stuff and he kept his legs in a sitting position wich made me laugh my ass off because it was like he was riding in a car while in the water and he was rolling his lips like motor boating at the same time and it cracked me up. he’s so funny.
“How are you suppose to swim like that, you’ll just float to the bottom and sit there if you do that.” I said to him. hahaha
What a funny little guy.
We had lots of fun and then when we finished and were in the shower/dressing room, we shower first to wash off the chlorine and Niki was crawling around like a crab really fast making me laugh so hard. He’s so silly. Also forgot to mention in the water when he was out of the floaty I danced with him in the pool and he started cracking up laughing. What a cutie.
I love when he’s a happy little guy it makes me so happy.
After we finished and were walking home I had my hood on with my jacket because my hair is soaked and there’s a bit of a breeze out side, it’s warm but still and these girls stared at me and I swear they were making fun of me cause I had a hood on and I felt like saying to them be-otches,
“Hey! have you ever had meningitis in your ear before? It kills like a mother you know and you can die from it and it happens from having wet hair in cold weather or cold wind and I’m just protecting myself. So stop your pedestal preaching and get down from that high cloud you think your riding on and stop hating on careful people who don’t want to catch dah meningitis.”
Yah… that about covers it.
I hate people who stare and tease or talk behind people’s backs like their better. Really irritates me.
As strange as it sounds its true. After posting my first gummie bear video which was a video response to a wood workers video for a contest it had gotten over 1,000 views which I mentioned if it reached a 1,000 I would make another which I did. So now it’s up and no one is watching my videos and my video has been removed from the contest. “What gives”
Afraid of a little competition or they all scared of the small yummy gummie bears. Perhaps its the very fact that I am an immortal and their afraid to watch, what ever the reason it occurred after this gummie bear collection. Humans I will never understand.
Gummie bears are good i swear.
My new video, please watch
What is it with woman? I’m a woman but I have never freaked out over my weight, sure, after I have a baby I am fat and feel fat and want to lose my baby weight and get my old body back but I know that takes time, exercise and just getting back in my eating routine. You see while we are pregnant our appetite changed, it severely increased because we were eating for two and now we are back to one but still in the habit of eating for two and if your breast feeding forget about it, you need all that food to keep your milk healthiest for baby.
I always manage to get back into shape after a full year though. Lucky me, but what ever.
It really annoys me when woman talk about their weight like they talk about the weather or their favorite thing to do. I mean come on, forget about it and just do something about it, stop talking about it to me and complaining. It really does annoy me, I am not even going to say who does it because so many woman around me that I talk to do it and it is getting on my nerves and the fact that their skinny already just bugs me even more.
They think that just diet will fix it but you need exercise to, hell even I did. I danced and did my work outs at home to get back in shape after I had my children and I did it as soon as I got my energy back. I didn’t wait.
I just want to tell all you woman who do this, please…. if you don’t like what you see, change it. DOn’t complain about it every second of the day to everyone and point it out because the fact is, it isn’t as bad as you make it and your much thinner then you say or think you are and your freaking annoying me with all this diet talk to the point I want to jump into your body and work it out to size and give it back so that you stop.
Don’t make me pull out my hair.
Who knows someone like this?
Wait… don’t tell me it’s you?
There are so many things people don’t tell us about pregnancy that I felt the need to write a blog and share because talking about it in a vlog is just too much for me. I’m a shy person and there is only so much I can say on camera or in person as much as you don’t believe it.
Okay so first off after having babies, when you fall pregnant again you don’t even really need a test to know you are because you recognize it and feel it much sooner. Well that’s how it is with me at least.
I’m not going to write this like a typical blog of paragraphs but rather a blog of sentences of what you discover that people don’t always tell you. Here I go. Dun da na na!
The reaction of your partner/boyfriend/lover/one night stand depending on what the case was for you.
Your emotions are so different now and you find yourself crying to toilet paper commercials where the little bear lands in all the soft laundry and is so happy. “Wahhhh”
Things become so frustrating easier than they would.
My cat is annoying as hell now with her constant meow and always making me sneeze.
I’ve been pregnant for almost 16 weeks and been poked with a needle over 5 times and there’s way more times to come, just you wait.
The first thing my doctor said when I was pregnant was, “How’d this happen?” I did find that funny with his accent. hahaha “Remembering it.”
I have so much dang gas, and I don’t mean I fart a lot either. I mean trapped gas where I force myself to burp over and over like I’m burping the abc’s to annoy someone just so I can breathe easier and ease up the gas pain attack. I annoy myself with all the burping but man does it feel good to feel it slowly fade after about 500 burps.
Peeing is no relief because after you go pee you discover you still have to go.
When baby’s kick and get stronger inside it hurts, and they get their legs in your ribs. Wack wack pow!
I have more acne now than I did when I was in high school.
I hate diet and I hate watching what I eat and keeping my weight in good range and when I’m pregnant I have to constantly watch my weight and what I eat instead of just eating what I want. IT SUCKS ASS!
I end up looking like a huge cow, moo. Well I’m cute when pregnant so it’s all good.
It’s so hard to get up or out of bed.
I am so damn thirsty all the time.
I get hot flashes and dizzy spells.
I feel lazy and I just don’t want to do nothing but watch tv or blog. I do go out but it takes encouragement from myself.
i’m always so dang tired and sore. My back hurts, my ankles hurt, I get headaches.
I have so many cravings that just keep changing.
Labor is closer the further along I am and the pain freaks me out.
My face looks fatter.
My hair is just bleh.
Walking is so hard and you become much slower.
That glow they talk about… that’s just from throwing up over and over. Either that or sweating.
We are bed hoggers and pillow robbers. We will steal your pillow for our legs and tummy, just you wait.
We need a man to yell at sometimes, it helps relieve the stress and discomfort. Lol
People who don’t usually annoy you, start to.
You wanna control your weight but your appetite keeps growing. “CHOCOLATE CAKE CHOCOLATE CAKE”
Okay for the great things.
The feeling of being pregnant when you first find out is so amazing, feeling life inside of you and knowing you are creating a life.
Hearing the heart beat for the first time.
Feeling the baby move.
Watching your baby on the monitor during a ultrosound.
Right after labor pain stops and the baby is out there is this feeling, this magical indescribably feeling and then you see your baby’s face and their eyes meet yours and the doctor rests the baby on you, skin to skin and you touch your baby for the first time. I cannot explain this feeling, but it is so wonderful and it takes away everything uncomfortable and hard you have had to go through during pregnancy and all you know is this beautiful child laying in your arms that you helped make.
I’m now 16 weeks and I just felt the baby move for the first time today while I was singing This Love by maroon 5. It was so amazing.
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- Love ItTM (Medium)
- Gotta Have ItTM (Large)
I am not sure if you all have noticed yet but I am now Systematicmermaid.com woop. Awesome huh, I am so excited to lose the wordpress part of my url domain. It was really nice and I am hoping you all like it as well.
I hope to make this site better and better and better. I really love adding to my blog, well to me I consider it my website because it features so much of what I do and love and I hope you all look at it as my website and continue to support and fallow me and share my page and work with the people you know and love.
I plan on adding more and more creative talents and ideas to my site to make it better and better and you will never be bored or feel like it’s a dead site because I will always be uploading and adding new fun things to read and learn about etc.
Please if you have any ideas for what else you would like to see let me know in a comment. Also if you would like to comment on what I have already, do so as well I would love to hear from you all.
I just checked my youtube and I saw that my video Mere Mortal is not I has reached over 1,000 views and I promised to make a Gummie bear sequel to it and I will be working on that and it will be up by the end of the week for those who are urgently awaiting it and clicked my video several times in anticipation to see the next gummie bear feature. I have not forgotten and I am gathering ideas for the very video of Gummiebear awesomeness for you all.
Yea, I know I have a million other books I am suppose to be getting out there in the world but tough tooties. I am not so sure I want to continue The Colony. I think I am going to leave it in my past because it’s not the kind of writing I want to represent and it doesn’t really connect with me anymore. I am however going to get Thirst, Bloody lips up and of course I started writing this amazing book which isn’t going to be a long book but it will be a great story to read.
I am having a lot of fun with it and it is so much different then anything I have ever worked on before and for some reason it just came to me and still is and it’s truly a great little adventure to read. Well for me, to write. I am half way through writing and I have the cover as you can see, I drew it myself obviously because it’s just that amazing looking as well. Ha!
I hope you all get an E-book of Warrior of Dreams when it comes out which shouldn’t take more than a few more weeks to write at the most. I am working on it almost every day and edging myself to get it up and out so I can finally start showing you all my beautiful writing and become the amazing famous writer I was and am destined to be.
I love writing so much and it would mean the world to me if you support my writing by getting Warrior of Dreams via E-book when it’s ready for sale.
Thank you so much in advance and you wont be disappointed.
You’ll probably drool for more writing haha. That’s the idea though
Silva is a Dream Catcher with the ability to make her dreams reality. She begins her life in a village of fifty people who are stuck in their ways of following strict rules and no imagination. Woman are forced to hide their skin and the people of the village must live by the rules of the village or they are banished by their people to walk the wooden bridge no one must cross.
After a fall out with her people Silva must begin a new journey through what lies beyond the wooden bridge and discovers who she really is and what life really has to offer. There are secrets of her gift that are shadows of what she doesn’t understand, but with the help of her friends she finds her way and discovers there is more to a dream than reality uncovers.
Warrior of Dreams is filled with life and adventure and discovery. It welcomes you to a whole new world and look on life and it uncovers the beauty forgotten in a village that lost all faith.
Written By: Amaira Jewel
(c) Amaira Jewel
Holy shit have men been holding me back, “Excuse my pretend French”
I have been robbed of my years because I have been distracted by the men in my life and trying so hard to have the perfect life and have hell even a happy life with a man instead of just doing what I love and finding myself. I have put energy into a man and finding love more than what I really actually want. What I want more than anything is to become a successful famous writer and I have ignored it by getting sucked into pleasing and longing to be loved back by men that simply wont love.
I have been robbed I say!
I spoke with a spiritual guide today while strolling through a park and she and I sat down and had ourselves a talk and I got my eyes opened for the first time in a long time. I have been completely blind to the fact that most of my energy has gone into finding love and finding the right guy and having a wonderful life with someone who just wont change because they are not on my path. I am on a journey and i keep looking at the flowers around me that aren’t mine to have instead of planting my own and growing tall and strong and taking care of me and finding my shining star and living it.
I have been completely side tracked and giving so much energy where I should be taking it and throwing it into what I truly love and want to achieve in life and be in life and that is a famous writer and I can do it because my passion for writing is bigger then anything I have ever created. I don’t want to be no singer because there aint no way I could ever stand in front of a crowd and belt out a tune.
I don’t want to be a drawer type artist because I could never be fully fulfilled doing it, it’s a hobby as singing is.
I dont want to be a fashion designer, I lose interest and its something that comes and goes.
I dont want to be a decorater because i just like doing that for fun with my home and others when they ask my advice on decor.
I don’t want to be some movie star because remembering lines for the rest of my life is too much to remember.
I don’t want to be a vlogger, video maker because it’s just fun and I do it when I feel like it.
I want to be a writer and always have been.
I don’t even need to want to be it, I just am it.
I will be known for it and I will be successful up the wazoo with it as well. Wait and see.
I need to stop looking for love that just isn’t there and longing for things i just can’t have a focus all my energy of what i can have and do. I have the ability to write and gosh darn it I’m going to show it.
I am a writer and I am proud to do it.
I am a star
Now watch me SHINE!
Please everyone pass these videos around, I like views, I eat them like gummie bears if I reach a 1,000 views I shall make a sequel about gummie bears. lol