I’ve observed my youtube and i noticed I don’t get nearly the amount of views I used to when I was ranking them in right before I got pregnant. I am starting to think it’s because I’ve become boring and then I realized I kept having blasts from the past and have removed my videos over and over and people are probably tired of it. Pfft

Well if you would stop finding me PEOPLE I wouldn’t have to delete now would I?

You think people would understand, well no, I can’t expect viewers to because they just want something to watch and if I’m not reliable with video posting and them having a favorite video and it staying in their stash then why would they continue to watch me. Well because you have to like an addiction, you have to watch me. You must or you will die.

Yea, um no. The fact is I’m a way better writer than I am a vlogger and entertainer because my hearts more in writing and I am myself when I write. I’m most comfortable when no one sees me and I’m hidden behind these words here. I can’t fully express myself in voice or video because I concentrate too much on what people will think if I say this or that instead of just doing like I do when I write. It’s hard to explain.

I know exactly why my videos don’t get the hits they would if my blogs became vlogs, but they can’t, because I just cant change who I am. Well I can grow and become evolved but I can’t just say, hey today I’m going to be like this and do it. I’m not that great of an actress. come on. Okay maybe I am, but I don’t wanna play.

I am enjoying what I do and if no one wants to enjoy it with me, so be it, you pumpkin head popsicle rolls. you don’t have to, go watch someone more interesting that swears. I notice that. Lots of swearing going on in popular vlogs. I can’t imagine me swearing to get popular, okay I can because I have a vivid imagination but the image of it kind of frightens me because I don’t swear in my every day life, it’s just not who I am. When I do randomly swear on occasion people stare at me like they’ve seen a ghost. I guess it’s just that rare and unsettling coming out of my mouth. I’m too pure.. Holy water holy water

Okay so, I’m boring. I accept it. I’m a boring vlogger, video person right now and I have no energy to be upbeat because I’m pregnant and tired.

Give me a peanut.

By the way thats my new way of saying give me a break. it’s cooler, you should use it to. It will make me happy, but either way I’m happy with my just using it. its mine, its mine.

Muah hahahahaha

Okay its late and I’m still up and I’m typing, why does this always happen to me. I stay up doing something when i’m half asleep and want to sleep in my nice cosy bed but dread the having to get up and change, brush my teeth and go to bed. I’m so freakin lazy damn it.

Have a good night.